So i haven't been here most of the month because my BFF from Scotland was visiting. We met on Fet. She is an amazing person. i was lucky enough to have found her. We are very similar as we are both in LDR's and we tend to feel the same things, as well as over react and over think. We ground each other. It works and it's good.
Master said i could put all of my routines on hold while she was here visiting. i didn't really have an opportune moment to do any of them. i was also not myself. my regular schedule was a bit messy and therefore my brain was as well. i was mush. So the longer the mush stayed, the worse the mush got. By the time my BFF left i was so exhausted and confused. i was one hot mess. Aside from that, i have still been trying to figure out a good middle between Master and Oliver. Hard to explain. Let's see.....
For example, Master told me that Oliver has absolutely no restrictions when it comes to me, but if Master tells me not to do something that Oliver wants me to do, what do i do? Understand?
So my brain struggles and i get confused and become a stressed out disaster.
i also have still been an emotional, over thinking mess about Master releasing me. Yes that has all been sorted and i am His, but the emotional after shock of the entire thing still had me rattled.
So when i am in pain, i shut down and try to pull away.
i've been doing that with all of these people that are the only ones that care for me. Pulling away. i keep trying to find something wrong with Oliver, i was pulling away from Master and i was cranky to my BFF.
Pulling away is my form of protecting myself. i'm scared Oliver will hurt me, i'm afraid Master will release me again and i was upset that i didn't get to spend much time with my BFF. i wasn't even doing any of my routine after my BFF left. i was lost.
i'm getting back into everything again this week. i feel a bit better today. i had a chat with Master about how i was feeling and i feel settled.
Oh.....i also haven't had much "physical", and i really need physical! Was hard with my BFF visiting. Had no time alone. So i am hoping to get back in to that routine this weekend as well.
Slowly but surely coming around again....................isn't that a song? Showing my age i guess....
Master said i could put all of my routines on hold while she was here visiting. i didn't really have an opportune moment to do any of them. i was also not myself. my regular schedule was a bit messy and therefore my brain was as well. i was mush. So the longer the mush stayed, the worse the mush got. By the time my BFF left i was so exhausted and confused. i was one hot mess. Aside from that, i have still been trying to figure out a good middle between Master and Oliver. Hard to explain. Let's see.....
For example, Master told me that Oliver has absolutely no restrictions when it comes to me, but if Master tells me not to do something that Oliver wants me to do, what do i do? Understand?
So my brain struggles and i get confused and become a stressed out disaster.
i also have still been an emotional, over thinking mess about Master releasing me. Yes that has all been sorted and i am His, but the emotional after shock of the entire thing still had me rattled.
So when i am in pain, i shut down and try to pull away.
i've been doing that with all of these people that are the only ones that care for me. Pulling away. i keep trying to find something wrong with Oliver, i was pulling away from Master and i was cranky to my BFF.
Pulling away is my form of protecting myself. i'm scared Oliver will hurt me, i'm afraid Master will release me again and i was upset that i didn't get to spend much time with my BFF. i wasn't even doing any of my routine after my BFF left. i was lost.
i'm getting back into everything again this week. i feel a bit better today. i had a chat with Master about how i was feeling and i feel settled.
Oh.....i also haven't had much "physical", and i really need physical! Was hard with my BFF visiting. Had no time alone. So i am hoping to get back in to that routine this weekend as well.
Slowly but surely coming around again....................isn't that a song? Showing my age i guess....
