5.31.16 The Weekend (not the singer)

Um..................AWESOME!

Freakin' sex with Oliver is SO good. i constantly want more! It felt SO good to finally play again. Oh how i missed the crop!

And we did something new............................ANAL!

Ok, first, i am not new to anal. i love anal sex. But Master forbid it, unless it was Him or a toy, the last few years.

He refused it with my ex boyfriend, too, because he hated him. He likes Oliver. Huge plus!

i do have a few photos, but because today was so busy for me i didn't get them approved from Master. i will send them to Him tomorrow and see if i get approval. It's been too long since i've posted any photos. i feel He will approve.

So....Oliver also used the spreader bar. He did tie my arms up like he has prior and i didn't have any issue with it. i think i freaked out last time because he used the blindfold too. i need to be eased into loosing my sight.

Oh! Ha! i also tried something new on Oliver while i was sucking his cock. i think i'm becoming crazy good at it. Or maybe it's just the cock i'm sucking?????????????? Never in my life have i enjoyed it this much!

If you want to know what i did new, you can always message me here or at lovingbea1971@gmail.com! i'd love to hear from some of you............................................

5.27.16 The weekend

It's been quite a long time since i've looked forward to a weekend. i haven't had any 'alone' time with Oliver in forever. i can literally spend the entire weekend with him, and alone.

i only know of one thing that he wants to do to me this weekend. What other plans i am unaware of.

i will do my best to post, and get permission to share photos with you.

Master, of course, has approved no restrictions with Oliver, so whatever Oliver says goes.

i'm counting down the minutes until i can leave my office.........tick tock tick tock!!!!

i'm sure i'll have some stories to tell :)!!!! 

5.26.16 Rut, but still good

After yesterdays episode with the whole job thing, i got an email requesting an interview for next week. So good. Just get down sometimes with the struggle of finding something new. Some days i just want to scream out "PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE"!

Again, the change scares me because it will alter my relationship with Master, as far as our daily contact. That is a huge stress that i worry about probably daily. Master says that He will figure something out. i trust that He will.

Master and i spoke about this "rut" we are in. Our timing hasn't lined up in what feels like forever. I've had visitors, family, interviews, etc.

He's reassured me that our relationship is okay and that things will start happening again. i look forward to it as i always love His ideas.

Sometimes i still get confused between Master and Oliver, but i know i can talk to either of them and it will all be worked out. i'm a very lucky sub.

i am very much looking forward to the weekend as Oliver said he has something planned. It's a long weekend too, which could possibly make it even better ;)...........perhaps i'll ask Master about pictures. It's been a while.......................

5.25.16 Disappointing day

Not sure if i mentioned this ever in a post, but this year is (or was) to be the year of change for me.

i was all gungho (sp?) in January and now, today, i am simply becoming very discouraged.

Starting in January and every single day after i have applied to job postings. Yes January. i've applied to countless positions. No one wants me.

i know this has nothing to do with my relationship with Master and our long distance BDSM relationship, but to be honest, it's all i can think about right now.

Master is trying to give encouraging words, but i just can't get past how upset i am......................

i am feeling very unworthy....

Bad day...

5.25.16 Back again and other stuff

So i haven't been here most of the month because my BFF from Scotland was visiting. We met on Fet. She is an amazing person. i was lucky enough to have found her. We are very similar as we are both in LDR's and we tend to feel the same things, as well as over react and over think. We ground each other. It works and it's good.

Master said i could put all of my routines on hold while she was here visiting. i didn't really have an opportune moment to do any of them. i was also not myself. my regular schedule was a bit messy and therefore my brain was as well. i was mush. So the longer the mush stayed, the worse the mush got. By the time my BFF left i was so exhausted and confused. i was one hot mess. Aside from that, i have still been trying to figure out a good middle between Master and Oliver. Hard to explain. Let's see.....

For example, Master told me that Oliver has absolutely no restrictions when it comes to me, but if Master tells me not to do something that Oliver wants me to do, what do i do? Understand?

So my brain struggles and i get confused and become a stressed out disaster.

i also have still been an emotional, over thinking mess about Master releasing me. Yes that has all been sorted and i am His, but the emotional after shock of the entire thing still had me rattled.

So when i am in pain, i shut down and try to pull away.

i've been doing that with all of these people that are the only ones that care for me. Pulling away. i keep trying to find something wrong with Oliver, i was pulling away from Master and i was cranky to my BFF.

Pulling away is my form of protecting myself. i'm scared Oliver will hurt me, i'm afraid Master will release me again and i was upset that i didn't get to spend much time with my BFF. i wasn't even doing any of my routine after my BFF left. i was lost.

i'm getting back into everything again this week. i feel a bit better today. i had a chat with Master about how i was feeling and i feel settled.

Oh.....i also haven't had much "physical", and i really need physical! Was hard with my BFF visiting. Had no time alone. So i am hoping to get back in to that routine this weekend as well.

Slowly but surely coming around again....................isn't that a song? Showing my age i guess....

5.23.16 Eh...

Lots of things on my mind. i know i haven't been here in a really long time. There's been so much going on. i'm still getting settled. Have some things to discuss with Master tomorrow.

Good to be back actually. i look forward to tomorrow. 

5.6.16 Still enjoying....

....my time with my BF.

Looking forward to lots of fun tomorrow night! Going to the casino and a show!!!